I Cannot Recall You Brave
by LeeT911
Summary: Martha tells herself she can't possibly have a crush on Bethany. That's far too cliché, and she's supposed to be going to Princeton. (Spoilers for [2017] Welcome to the Jungle, Martha/Bethany)


"Show me how to flirt again?" Martha asks the question like it's no big deal even though her heart is racing. This is like any other phone conversation they've had in recent months. It's supposed to be simple and easy, and not at all awkward.

So when Bethany doesn't ask why, Martha is relieved. The blonde says only, "Ok, come over tomorrow." And Martha can almost believe that they really are best friends.

Martha doesn't tell her that she broke up with Spencer last night, doesn't tell her that maybe it's because of Bethany, in a roundabout sort of way Martha isn't ready to accept yet. She doesn't say that she still remembers the time when Shelly Oberon showed Ruby Roundhouse how to flirt and that she can't stop thinking about Bethany (real Bethany) doing that again. She doesn't say that maybe the truth is not that she likes nerdy guys, but that nerdy guys never ask her out, so that way everyone's safe.

The next day, Martha is sitting on Bethany's bed and the whole routine is happening: the hair, the eyes, the lips, the walk. She's seen this before, of course, but it was very different when delivered by a bearded middle-aged cartographer. Now, Martha is captivated by every flick of Bethany's hair, every little lip nibble, and the sway of Bethany's hips. Martha is enraptured, trying to carve every detail into her mind as though her life still depends on it.

And she tells herself she can't have a crush on Bethany. That's far too clichéd, and she's supposed to be going to Princeton. Because she is awkward, geeky, solitary; and Bethany is beautiful, impossible. Bethany is confident, and popular, and perfect in more ways that Martha can imagine.

So when Bethany turns to her and says, "Now you try." Martha isn't listening. Martha is lost in daydreams of blonde hair and blue eyes, of dancing and fighting, and Jumanji. And maybe it's selfish, but sometimes she wishes they could go back to Jumanji. It's confusing, because part of her likes being Ruby Roundhouse, who is strong and assertive and capable. But another part of her really does like Bethany a lot more than Shelly Oberon, and she can't stop thinking about kissing Bethany.

"Hello? Martha?" Real Bethany is waving at her.

"Sorry," Martha stammers, "I was remembering Ruby Roundhouse." It's kind of true.

"Do you ever think about going back?"

Yes. "No."

"I do," Bethany says.

And Martha is surprised because she'd never thought that Bethany would be the one to feel that way, let alone admit it. "Why?"

There's a moment where blue eyes steel themselves, and Martha knows Bethany wants to lie, but when she speaks, her voice is soft and slow and and just a little bit shaky. "Because in Jumanji, even though I didn't look like me, I could sort of be myself, and not who everyone thinks I am."

Martha isn't sure what that means, because she's never seen Bethany like this. Except maybe that one time, when Alex was dying and Shelly Oberon was sure he needed to be saved. But even that was different, because that might have been Bethany crushing on Jefferson "Seaplane" McDonough, and not just pure selfless vulnerability. Martha's never been on the receiving end of that. Ever.

This is different though. This reminds her of the way Bethany picks her as a partner for every class project nowadays, how Bethany always walks home with her after school, or how Bethany calls without fail every night if Martha doesn't answer her texts during the evening. These are all the things they don't talk about, so Martha can't keep herself from wondering.

She thinks they're friends, but Bethany never calls her that. Bethany never calls her anything other than "Martha", or very rarely "girlfriend". But Bethany uses that last one only to her face, and always half-joking, so Martha is hopeful and confused and shy all at the same time these days.

"Yeah, maybe I do miss being Ruby Roundhouse a little." Martha looks down at the wrinkled bed sheets. Maybe she doesn't understand Bethany at all. Isn't it so much easier to be yourself when you're hot? Sometimes Martha thinks if she could just be Ruby again for a little while, she could tell Bethany how she really feels. Maybe Bethany is the stronger one. But that was never in doubt.

"Ruby was a total badass, but I know it was you inside the whole time." Bethany is next to her, wrapping her in a hug, and Martha hates that she feels like crying right now.

"What difference does it make?"

"I wouldn't want to go back to Jumanji with anyone but you," Bethany says, and they follow that with a long pause where they avoid looking at each other. "Who is it you want to flirt with, Martha?"

Ragged breath. "Nobody." The word sounds empty even before it leaves her lips.

"Did something happen with Spencer?"

"No." It's the truth. Nothing happened with Spencer. "Something happened with me." And if she were braver, this is where Martha would kiss Bethany, and they would have their happily-ever-after, but this isn't a movie, and Martha doesn't feel half as brave as Ruby Roundhouse.

She is up, off the bed and headed towards the door. She knows that this is running. "I broke up with Spencer," she says before leaving. She owes Bethany that much at least.

But it's Bethany who races after her. Bethany who calls her name over and over, not loud or pleading, just full of emotion and caring. It's Bethany who catches her just outside the house, and turns her around so they are facing each other on the lawn. Martha recalls that Spencer did not chase her the other day, that he let her leave without saying anything, and she isn't even sure whether to be sad or grateful about that.

Because Bethany is here - right in front of her - and Bethany is not letting Martha off easy. And Martha doesn't know what they are to each other, she just knows she wants it to be so much more.

So when Bethany tries to speak, Martha decides the words don't matter. She takes her cue from Ruby Roundhouse and kisses Bethany on the lips. This is not as awkward as that time in Jumanji, because now she's had some practice. And she's in her own body. Bethany kisses back, presses up against her, and Martha realizes this is the most comfortable she's ever felt, whether in real life or Jumanji.


End file.
